It is with a bit of shame that I write this post.
But I want it to be written. I want to warn the others who think life will not change much after a baby. A letter to my former self, if you will.
So, here it goes.
Before I gave birth to a tiny dictator, I was squad leader in the kitchen. Your kitchen goals were my everyday. Not to brag, but let me have the floor.
Before baby:
1. I made bread from scratch. So much bread. And I wasn't even limited to that---I made crackers, pitas (and leftovers were promptly turned into pita chips), tortillas (flour AND corn), naan. Should I keep going?
2. I never bought beans in a can. I always said I love beans far too much to not soak them over night, sprout them for a few days, and then gently cook them with onion and fresh bay leaves.
Oh, what I wouldn't give to have enough time to cook beans from scratch these days! Right now, I have a dirty kitchen, a baby that could wake up from a nap at any second, and 3 loads of laundry to do. And a can of black beans in my pantry just waiting for me.
3. Similarly, I used to scoff when I saw jarred pasta sauce at the grocery store. Like, seriously, how hard is it to doctor up a can of crushed tomatoes into tomato sauce? Everyone has heard of Marcella Hazan's 3-ingredient tomato sauce, right? It's not hard.
But it is. So very hard.
My current favorite is Trader Joe's 3-cheese pasta sauce. I think it's like $3? I'd pay $13 for it if I had to.
4. I never bought snacks. I made everything from scratch--granola, frites, you better believe there was homemade potato chips in my previous kitchen. (I haven't had a batch of turnip chips sprinkled heavily with smoked paprika in ages). Now? There are so many snacks in shiny packages lining my pantry shelves. Now that I think about it, there are way too many snacks for a household that no longer has a breastfeeding mother in it.
There are plantain chips, pea pod chips, crackers, pita chips, blue corn tortilla chips (my fave!), Lara bars, and ice cream not destined for blog recipes. I used to need lots of ways to get those extra 500 calories with breastfeeding. But now? Not so much.
5. My freezer used to be pristine. And I've sunk so very low. Right now, there are frozen chicken pot pies from Trader Joe's in my freezer. I don't even like chicken pot pie. But my husband does. And I just know that the next time he comes home from work and I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN WITH DINNER will be, like in 4 hours.
I'll have wine for dinner while I heat up his chicken pot pie.
Who am I kidding? He'll have to heat it up himself.
6. Cloth napkins are gone. Another load of laundry?! Are you kidding me? Get away from me, Judas! Give me the axe, I'll cut my own trees down for paper towels!
7. Dinner used to be a fun experiment. A joyous occasion. Now, I meal plan like crazy. I have literally taken all the joy out of cooking for myself. Something else not giving me joy? The amount of time I'm forced to use my slow cooker to make dinner. I hate the slow cooker. Hate.it.
But, there is one thing I will never give up: Grating my own cheese. Because the shredded cheese in bags is coated in weird shit. And I will not have it.
You may think I'm whining (and you are so right). My kid is healthy, happy and ridiculously cute, so why should I complain about having to make a few life changes for her?
But dinner was my love. I express my love through cooking. I tell my husband I love him by making delicious dinners.
And now? Well, I asked my husband if he'd rather come home to a delicious dinner or a clean house the other night, and he said 'a clean house.' And that, my friends, is how low I've sank.
Send help.
And a casserole.
Christina
Christine says
Congrats, you're human! :)
I also used to make bread from scratch. Never pitas and crackers but wonderful sandwich bread. After my second I got a bread machine. It seemed sacrilegious. It is WONDERFUL. We have new bread (almost) whenever we want it WITHOUT a trip to the store and I don't have to babysit it or even stay at home.
Cooking in the carrier (I have an ergo but same idea) is great but once they can stand I like to switch to The Learning Tower. My baby wants to be held all. the. time. Will not usually play on the floor long enough to cook anything. But she will stand in the learning tower and watch! I get to cook without a person strapped to me. Win-win!
Emily says
Oh, my friend! Thank you, thank you, thank you for your healthy dose of reality!! As one who is Planning for Baby, I love the truths that other mamas tell. The poop is awful, but you get used to it. You sleep so very little. And now: your kitchen habits will change. But frozen pot pie will fill bellies while time is spent with babies, and when babies grow a bit, normalcy in the kitchen (as well as everywhere else) will slowly sort of kind of maybe turn back to the normal you once knew. I know giving so much up for now must be tough because your kitchen is your happy place. BUT SERIOUSLY. Camille may be THE. CUTEST. BABY. EVER. *swoon*
xoxo
Jen Young says
How did our grandmothers do it?! (or great-grandmothers.....) They didn't have our conveniences & still managed. I'm right there with you though. I love the short-cuts we find at the grocery stores now.
My husband always wants a clean kitchen as well.
Erika says
Oh my goodness so true!! I love my little helper, but how do I miss fresh bread. And pasta. And canning vegetables from the garden. And homemade jam! I'm lucky I have a great deck to grill on. My daughter plays in the grass with the dog, I get dinner done. Win win! And she loves to help cook. I let her stir everything and I just embrace the mess. Its all part of the fun of being a mom. One day when my babies are grown and I am kneeding a loaf of rye bread, I will miss the sound of someone saying "Mommy! I need to peep pee!"
Laura says
We don't have any little ones yet, but I loved this post. And that last photo! That happy baby smile! :)
Vicki says
Welcome to the real world, and you make it sound so fun! Precious moments with your little one can't be recaptured. Enjoy this time while you can, there will be time later to have the immaculate house and everything in order. Just not today. :)
Carla says
This grandmother worked out a meal swap with other exhausted moms, (all of whom are now grandmothers). We realized, it's just as easy to cook 4 extra casseroles or soup or stew as one. There were 5 of us...so 4 days out of 7 we ate well but didn't have to cook. One day a week we cooked like crazy...while another mother watched the kid-o..and we were on our on for the the other two days. The "off" days were usually big salad or sandwich days.
Oh...if dinner is ever going to be late....just sizzle some onion in bacon grease...your husband will at least THINK progress is being made. Such a delicious smell!
Marcee says
Christine, Camille is absolutely gorgeous! Very, very healthy and definitely a happy baby! Be a proud mama! All your blog recipes are marvelous. Usually in summer I do not bake much of anything. We try new bakeries, or go with the ones we know. However, I will surely try your carrot cake! Looks amazing. Ingredients are wonderful and no nuts involved. I love pineapple in carrot cake!! Fabulous yummy cream ; )) cheese frosting to boot! Sending my sister your brown rice pudding recipe. Very easy and fast! She will love it. Totally enjoy your blog.
Mrs. E. says
Hang in there! Loved your sweet, honest, and very funny post! It will be a long time until your kitchen will be the way it used to be! Enjoy being a mommy while you can. The days are long but the years are short.
Darlene Edem says
I remember those days...a generation ago. My children are 31 & 32 years old now... but they are 16 months apart! So back in the day when they were babies I struggled... Trust me, don't feel bad, you are doing the right thing. Enjoy every moment and don't worry about having everything homemade. I agree with your husband about keeping the house clean. That is good for everyone. Simple easy meals will do this time in your busy life.